Center for a New American Security

Do you ever wonder why the U.S. Marine Corps consistently out-performs the U.S. Army -- not to mention the other two services -- with respect to recruiting? Abu Muqawama doesn't. Because although the Army has a lot of high-speed units whose pedigree and exclusivity outshine anything the U.S. Marine Corps has to offer, just being a Marine carries with it a cache of its own. And even if you're a member of the 75th Ranger Regiment or the Special Forces or the Units Whose Names We Dare Not Speak, you still belong to the same tribe as a bunch of overweight service support soldiers held to a lower standard than most high school athletes. This is why a certain retired Marine colonel has been known to introduce Abu Muqawama with "This is _______. He used to be in one of the Army's high-speed units. Which is a lot like coming in first at the Special Olympics."

At least we don't sew our names onto our asses. (Who is meant to read that?) But the big difference between the U.S. Army and the U.S. Marines is that just being a Marine is to be a member of an elite group. How can soldiers feel the same way when they see such low standards all around them? Maybe we should give them all black berets. Oh...

Update: It gets worse. They are now, apparently, allowing Fobbits to breed.