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Moms, Dads, and Washington
Anne-Marie Slaughter has decisively demonstrated why she is one of America's most valuable public intellectuals with this thought-provoking cover story in the Atlantic. I recommend this article to any Washington professionals -- male or female -- looking to balance work and family over the course of a successful career. This article deserves to be read and debated collectively by couples over the weekend.
A few points:
1. I would love to read a companion piece to Anne-Marie's article by Andrew Moravcsik, who is not the only guy out there married to a woman whose intellectual gifts and professional promise often overshadow his own. How does he, as an accomplished and gifted professional, enable his wife? What went through his own mind as his wife took on positions of ever-increasing responsibility that placed more of the burden for parenting on him? For some of us, these questions are not hypothetical, and I suspect I am not the only one out there who would love to hear his perspective.
2. It might be because I know so many theologically orthodox Christians, Muslims, and Jews, but I know a lot of really well educated and professionally promising women out there for whom being a full-time mother is the acme of career success. These women, who do not necessarily think they have "lost" anything by choosing to raise children full time, are not represented in Anne-Marie's article. There is a starting assumption that positions of high authority in government and in corporations should eventually be split 50-50 between men and women because well educated women, if given the chance, want to be both mothers and high-profile executives. That is not necessarily the case, though. I know a lot of ridiculously talented women out there for whom their highest professional aspiration is to be a stay-at-home mother. I'm related to some of those women and go to church with others, but I suspect that there are women out there outside conservative faith communities for whom this is also true.
3. Don't forget the boys. Every conversation we have about women and their careers and families should be accompanied by a discussion of what we want for our boys who are growing up. What should it mean, for these young men, to be fathers and working professionals? Should their roles in families and at work precisely mirror those of women or should we have different expectations for their roles and responsibilities? When I was growing up, the only expectations for me that differed from those for my sister related to manners and the military: I was expected to hold doors open for women and stand up when they left the table, and I was also expected, by my mother and unlike my sister, to serve in the military. But that was about it. Only when I was in my twenties did I start having conversations with older men and women about what my role as a husband and (potentially) a father should be.
4 (counterpoints). Dan and Barbara's amazing kids criticize the article both directly and indirectly in Salon. I didn't think Rebecca's somewhat knee-jerk reaction to the piece really wrestled with much of its content, even though she is, in my mind, one of the brightest women writing on women's issues. Aaron's article, by contrast, wasn't about Anne-Marie's article at all. But Aaron starts to explore #3 on my list of points in a really interesting and oblique way that I appreciated. Read them both.
"(potentially) a
"(potentially) a father"
Without question, Abu Muqawama Jr will have the most eclectic lego collection on the block (probably the city), as well as the most and best Hezbollah swag.
ADTS
I also know a lot of
I also know a lot of ridiculously talented men who really want a family and when two talented ambitious people married to each other have to negotiate family sacrifices what ends up mattering a great deal in the end is a) who wants the child(ren) more - in my case, husband did, and agreed to stay home, and 2) whose career is more flexible/has more on-off ramps. The workplace is often structured for Don Drapers with stay at home wives and women often have more bio-clock concerns than men, which often puts the burden on women to take the hit on career ambitions, though not always as more and more women out-earn their spouses esp in elite Washington policy circles. As the workplace continues to be structured rigidly for people with wives (I use the term symbolically, for stay at home spouses), any time a child is sick and can't go to child care/school, any time someone needs to be home to put the child to bed because a nanny can't work 24 hours, there is a certain negotiation about whose career matters more or less and this often sets the lower-earning or more child-desiring partner on a mommy track. This doesn't have to be the case, and I think Slaughter makes a good argument for why - it should be very possible for all but the secretary of state/president/other indispensable/replaceable elite political figures to acknowledge that they have a family and a life outside the workplace and to push for a happier balance between the two. The problem often is that there are just enough people who are uber-ambitious, single/childless, not as interested in family time or whatever who are always waiting to take the place of those who might speak up for family time, and that's kind of the same problem you had with labour rights back in the day. I don't see an easy solution - even friends with young children who have paid the price for ambition scoff at the idea that parents should "whine" about being away from their children - but people in high places speaking up for a sane work-life balance are a start.
First, I'm not sure what
First, I'm not sure what struck you as knee-jerk about Rebecca Traister's piece-- it was about The Atlantic's packaging of the article rather than about Slaughter's argument.
As for what the expectations should be for men vs. women, it's tricky. I work well in large organizations, have excelled in my professional life so far and am considering moving into a career that, although it's been a dream of mine for a long time, will demand a lot from me and my family, including moving to an entirely new place every few years. My spouse has a lot of talents that don't translate well into most office settings, and would prefer not to sit at a desk answering emails all day.
If I am a man and my spouse is a woman, this is a no-brainer: I make my career change, she becomes a stay-at-home mom and takes part-time jobs or tutors English on the side. If I am a woman and my spouse is a man, there are a lot of questions about whether it's okay for me to make a decision that will limit his job options so significantly, even if he's ambivalent about his career. You know many women who are perfectly happy as full-time parents, but are there full-time dads who feel that way? Reading Aaron Traister's article, he doesn't seem to be one.
Gee. Is everyone in DC mad
Gee. Is everyone in DC mad with entitlement sentiment?
"The best hope for improving the lot of all women, and for closing what Wolfers and Stevenson call a “new gender gap”—measured by well-being rather than wages—is to close the leadership gap: to elect a woman president and 50 women senators; to ensure that women are equally represented in the ranks of corporate executives and judicial leaders. Only when women wield power in sufficient numbers will we create a society that genuinely works for all women. That will be a society that works for everyone."
measured by well-being rather than wages Nothing vague or open to abuse here. Is she a trial lawyer too ?
Only when women wield power in sufficient numbers will we create a society that genuinely works for all women.
This statement alone should disqualify you from Power, and perhaps the legal right to firearms
That will be a society that works for everyone. No, it hasn't worked out that way and won't this time either, rather like women in the military militate for more numbers no matter how low the standards must go.
My Slaughter will continue...
Now of course I bring the
Now of course I bring the baggage of not liking her rather maternal concept of going to war. R2P and all that...
Nearly every reference is to careers in government, academia, Law *, the ones that aren't are to TV characters ..Dan Draper, Mad Men, The Good Wife...the references outside this box are studies that support her position but don't name any actual companies..except for Google...that magical and very politically connected place. In Google all dreams come true. Google should have a TV show, call it G-Men. Or G-Persons..
"But now is the time to revisit the assumption that women must rush to adapt to the “man’s world” that our mothers and mentors warned us about.... If women are ever to achieve real equality as leaders, then we have to stop accepting male behavior and male choices as the default and the ideal. We must insist on changing social policies and bending career tracks to accommodate our choices, too. We have the power to do it if we decide to, and we have many men standing beside us. "
So please change reality to reflect that I can't keep up the schedule at work and be a parent. While you're at it please bend the space/time continuium so I can get more rest...
[*Law is hardly the Private sector, more the Privateer sector.]
Elf, you have a way with
Elf, you have a way with words.
I have always treated women with respect including the ones that came on to me in the work place. In over 25 years of marriage I have only slept with one woman and that is my wife. No hanky panky like Bill Clinton and some of the other Washington crowd. Sexual harassment is a two way street. I knew women whose salary was way more than mine at positions of authority with in the industry.
Hillary Clinton needs to stop being a clown with her purple glasses. That is disrespectful of the male that she was addressing. Really hoped that she asked for approval before taking liberties. The problem is she doesn't care and she is a well paid individual in a democracy government. What else doesn't she care about? The men in Columbia were disciplined for acting stupid.
There is an expectation that Slaughter is trying to achieve, but what really ruins it is she is not the Lone Ranger. I respect her for what she has done as a person but agreeing with her is another story all together. In a modern world what she has done is now gender neutral. The glass ceiling is shattered.
When she debated Kissinger on Syria. I really didn't get the discussion about Libya. Cops directing traffic really doesn't make for stability. She spoke how Obama was for freedom and all the good words in the last paragraph of her WP opinion. The fact is true that we all saw Gaddafi murdered on video. He was alive when taken from the culvert, beaten by a crowd, put on the hood of a truck, and then executed in a crowd. The body was examined by the world. Where is the war crime trial and the rights that Obama holds so dear? Kissinger really won the debate. The US is really making for hard feelings with Pakistan, Drone missions are really getting used too much, and the WOT has spread across Africa to Afghanistan. Why should anyone respect US borders after that? Really feel bad for the people of Syria without a government solution to replace Assad the US /UN will be stepping off a cliff of responsibility and I really do not think US involvement will change the ME one bit. The factions will fight and fight and fight.
No she is not the Lone Ranger and her story is not unique to females.
I know because I did the same thing. Tell my wife every day that house work gives me orgasms, it is the running joke in the house hold.
Slaughter and Hillary need to strap one on and head to Syria as the Washington Brigade. Set those Islamic males straight and have some tea.
Actually, I'm sort of shocked
Actually, I'm sort of shocked that AM hasn't examined how this is handled in the military. There are tons of generals with a humongous staff of, well, military staff officers at work, and military houshold staff at home. The obvious solution is an "American Raj in America."
See, this is the great thing about Globalizaton. It's not just American values being propagated through Maxim magazine in the Middle East and Central Asia, it's the values of the rest of the world coming here to restore America's Gilded Age.
I applaud AM for her article.
I applaud AM for her article. As a young woman, at the age of 29, I find myself in the process of beginning to think about this balance for my parnter and I (both of whom work in/with DoD), it is something to really consider. There is no mobile SCIF or home SCIF where work can be accessed or you can stay home to tend to sick kiddo's and still put in the work needed. I think AM had some excellent idea's but it is still an uphill battle for young women in this field, something I find disconcerting and frustrating when I find myself in a room full of middle aged white men. Are they supposed to be my role model? Are they supposed to understand the battle we face in the workforce? In this field? I went to a top notch grad school (one which now has Dr. Abu Muqawama teaching at), I put in the internship hours, the long work days and shitty jobs to get to a decent place where I know I am on a good path, but what now? In a few years, when my parnter and I decide to start a family, what happens then? I don't want to choose, I do want it all, but I know the reality in which I live will not allow for that. Of course it would be great if we could both keep our salaries, switch to part time work but still have it be meaningful and interesting and continue on our career path while still managing a family, but that is a far fetched dream. I am proud of AM for writing about this topic, it has been too long since this has been a serious discussion for women in the field of national security and foreign policy and I look forward to finding my own balance, my own mentors, and my own path as I hopefully blaze a new trail for the women who will come after me. Will it be the 'right way,' who knows. I doubt there is a right way, but the discussion is much overdue and much appreciated!!
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