January 25, 2011

Natural Security State of the Union Drinking Game

What was that you ask? Is the natural security team going to create a drinking game for the State of the Union address? Why yes! Of course, we recommend our favorite drink, iced tea, but feel free to substitute for your own preferred speech-viewing beverage (Ron Ron juice?) as you see fit.

Rule #1: Take a small sip every time the President says “energy.” Bonus: Take two for “energy security.”

Rule #2: Take a full drink if the President mentions rare earths, minerals, energy, or other resources in the context of discussing China or the recent visit by President Hu.

Rule #3: If the President mentions food prices or the potential for another global food crisis, take a large bite of your State of the Union party munchies, followed by one drink.

Rule #4: If the President discusses the Arctic, put on a scarf and hat, toast the polar bears and the U.S. Coast Guard, and take a drink.

Rule #5: Each time the President mentions the Gulf oil spill, take a shot of Jägermeister* (or another relatively oil-hued beverage).

Rule #6: If the President deploys the words “climate change,” chug your drink.

Rule #7: If the president gives a nod to the military services for their trailblazing on CONUS alternative energy, efficiency innovation, or deploying renewable energy and advanced storage systems to Afghanistan, take one drink for yourself and another in honor of our military and civilian personnel serving the country.

Rule #8: Take one long drink if the President mentions rising oil prices; if he points to decades of lack of emphasis by big oil companies on developing alternative energy sources contributing to our lack of diversified energy sources today, say a toast in honor of candor and down your drink. Bonus: If he also wags a finger at decades of federal energy policies being complicit as well, grab a second drink from the fridge and down that one too.

Rule #9: Take one long drink in honor of the increased ability to protect U.S. interests if the President announces a new drive to ratify the UN Convention on the Law of the Sea.

Rule #10: If the President directly links natural resources and the U.S. security and foreign policy agenda together, shotgun your drink. Bonus: If the President says the phrase “natural security,” call us up and we’ll buy you that drink** to toast our branding success.

For the Rebuttals…

The Only Rule: the same rules as above apply, but double the quantities.

*Disclosure: Jägermeister did not pay CNAS advertising $$ for us to write this, but how cool would that be.ϯ
**$100-ish limit on us buying drinks for random strangers on the rare chance this does occur. We do work for a non-profit after all.
ϯ Well, if you ignore how gross Jäger is.