So Abu Muqawama's cousin is graduating from Marine Corps Officer Candidate School in a few days, and the family -- which, being from East Tennessee, encourages all martial endeavors as a matter of course -- is taking up a collection to help our newest member of the armed services buy ... his sword.
His sword?! What is this, the 13th Century?! Have the Marines never heard of a little Chinese invention called gunpowder? No wonder they still practice frontal amphibious assaults. They probably do that in the morning and then rehearse the phalanx and cavalry charges in the afternoons.
Where does one even buy a sword? The local blacksmith? Is Abu Muqawama going to have to find the Lady of the Lake and shake her down? Some Marine reading this will have to answer the question. (It's probably someplace really banal, like the BX/PX, which is absolutely going to kill me.) Help us out here.